Last Friday, I was blessed by my friend's photoblog. Anto is a natural artist and I admire her work. I've been very busy helping with the planning of my sister's wedding that I haven't really found the time to reflect through my blogs like I used to. This too shall pass, and the wedding will be over in a month, so I will be back blogging again... I would miss the planning and all, but I've always known that it was merely a season in my life that I would fully embrace as it was happening... and then let go, let God take care of the rest on the day itself... and when the day was over, I would have lots of material to blog about.
So except for my monthly public blog, I haven't really had any time for myself and my thoughts. Besides emailing the wedding entourage about the rehearsal dinner that is coming up next month, calling the florist about the flower labels, or coordinating the sleeping room needs of our out-of-town guests... all on top of my day-to-day duties as a wife, a mommy, an employee, a parent officer at Alison's school, a daughter/sister, a friend, etc. etc. - I had absolutely no intention of sitting down and blogging again for myself. I figured I will have all the time in the world after the wedding.
I was breath-taken by the incredible macro shots... enchanted by the work titles that so truly captured the essence of the shots... haunted by what seemed like a ghost from the past: my blogs, my reflections - they seemed to call out, like a yearning passion from within, I HAD TO WRITE!!!
Writing my comment on her work was my first step: Thank you for sharing, Anto!!! I was truly blessed - reminded by the simple - yet beautiful and DETAILED - pleasures of life, of God's creation.
Next thing I knew, I was blogging this entry... :)
On Saturday, I had a meltdown moment at the tuxedo rental place. I was trying to be efficient with the little time that we had that afternoon, as we had more errands other than to get the guys' (including Edison's and Edward's) tux measurements, when God decided to give me a pop quiz on Patience. I was totally caught off-guard... and I failed the test. :(
I was crushed - even after everyone seemed to have gotten over it... My Teacher is loving and merciful that He has long forgiven me - way before I forgave myself for it, I know that for sure... I wanted to know at that instant: How did I ever let myself get to that point of meltdown? How could I have not reacted differently? What are You teaching me, Lord? I wanna know - NOW!
Lots of logical answers came up: I should not expect others to be like how we run our wedding planning - methodical, systematic, organized... or expect other businesses to be run the same way our boss runs our business - relationship-oriented, professional, accurate, and responsive, with WOW customer service factors!
No answer seemed to calm me down. I knew there was more to it than expectations...
I reviewed Anto's photoblog on Sunday and I came across this beautiful photo...
And that's when the Lord whispered the lesson that He wanted me to learn... And I wrote my friend: I love this photo, Anto! There are so many times in my life when it feels like I'm strangling the heck out of these buds and saying, "C'mon, bloom! Bloom!" Foolish, I know... because deep inside, I know that they will bloom in God's own time - but I strangle the buds anyway... and then I surrender... to the Father... and I thank Him - for HE is patient with me. I have my moments of weakness and impatience... but He waits ever so patiently - time after time - and He makes me realize that I can only bloom when I surrender all to Him... This photo blessed me, Anto! Thank you - and thank God for you! ~ Love, Aud :)
I can only bloom when I surrender all to Him.
ALL... and that includes waiting for half an hour for service at the tuxedo rental place.
Yes - I am guilty as charged: (if Belle is a bride-zilla then) I have been a MOH-zilla! I have been so caught up in trying to make everything perfect MY OWN WAY that I failed to surrender that moment to God.
Despite the factors that led up to the meltdown, I could have handled the situation with a lot more patience - and yes, love... for love is patient. I realize now that it was what it was: a pop quiz, which will not be counted towards my final grade, but it needs to serve as a warning that a big test is coming up and that I should be ready for it. I am officially enrolled in God's Course on Love, and I'm not about to fail Patience 101 - just because I failed a pop quiz.
Dear Lord, help me to love like You: with enduring patience. Whatever the tests are that will come my way, please let me remember the lesson that You have taught me during these past few days: I will only bloom when I surrender all to You.
